Bottom of a Bottle
by 733n4g3 d1r7b4g
Summary: For years Mattie Williams has been living a life full of drugs and parties, and doing what he wants, when he wants. What happens when his family resurfaces and pulls him from the life he loves back to life he once ran from, where everything has changed?
1. Bottom Of A Bottle

A/N:

So this is something I've been working on, and I have up to Chapter 4 done. But I'm posting it now, because I really want to know if people are interested. I mean if no one is, then I won't continue, but if some are, I'll definitely continue. Each chapter is named after the song that really inspired that certain chapter, and I have the lines that really zero in on the meaning of the chapter. A lot of this story does have personal experiences, so this story means a lot to me. So, you know, enjoy.

Song - "Bottom of a Bottle" - Smile Empty Soul

* * *

_**Chapter One - Do It For the Love**_

"_I do it for the drugs_

_I do it just to feel alive_

_ I do it for the love_

_That I get from the bottom_

_Of a bottle"_

Smoke swirled up above, twirling in the dim light. Matthew chuckled lightly at the shapes before taking another puff from the joint and passing it to the girl laying next to him. Around them the party raged on, people drinking and dancing, the smell of pot and sex was everywhere. For over three years this had been his life. Smoking and fucking. Fucking around, fucking people, fucking up. He rolled over to look at the girl next to him. It was one of the few girls he never dared to fuck, one of his dealer's sisters, Katyusha, or Kat as she was less formally known. She often came to him for drugs as she owed her brother too much to go to. He barely remembered how he met her, all he knew was that one day he was at her house and he never really left. She let him keep all his clothes at her place and most of the time he slept on her couch.

"You know Ivan will be here later, right?" he asked her softly. She turned with a smile.

"I brought Natalya with me, he hasn't seen her in so long."

Matt flinched at the mention of the youngest of the siblings. She was insane in his mind.

"Sure and her attempting to rape Ivan and as such keeping him from asking you about money has nothing to do with it," he said smartly.

She looked sad at his words.

"I don't want to avoid him, I just don't have money…"

"It's okay Kat, I'm sure he wants to see you, money or no. You're his sister," his words began slowing as the weed began to sink in, needing the feel of it, as the heroin from the afternoon had begun to wear off.

"Sure, and you totally want to see your family, right?" He stared at her for a minute before standing.

"Sure, whatever."

He walked away, leaving her laying across the couch. He picked up a beer and slammed into the chair next to another of his friends.

"What's your deal? You and Kat looked like you were having a good time..." he asked staring at the usually mild tempered teen.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Matt began chugging the beer on the table in front of him.

"Hey, Maple, maybe you should slow down… You've had like five in the past five minutes, not even the drunk hobo by the cafe can do that." Matt smiled at his nickname, it was great to know that these people knew him for him.

"You know, Toris, technically we're hobos too. The only reason we don't stay on the street is 'cuz some sucker takes us in every night."

"Feliks isn't some sucker!" Matt smirked and swayed towards his friend.

"Who be dis Feliks?" his words slurred and teasing. Toris blushed slightly, and looked at the floor.

"H-he he's this g-guy I've, uh, been staying with."

"Why dun ya 'ring him 'round 'ere? Bet ya love 'is fine ass, dun ya?" Matt asked, with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Toris blushed and smack him on the arm, hitting the spot he had shot up in early. Matt winced and pulled his arm away with an irritated look that Toris just ignore.

"W-well he doesn't like Ivan, so he never comes with me to the parties," Matt nodded in understanding, no longer feeling like speaking. He grabbed another joint from someone walking by. He leaned back and began to smoke. Toris shook his head at his friend's behaviour. Matt briefly noted that Ivan walked in with Raivis by his side. _Poor kid, _Matt thought. Ivan had a habit of taking the 'new kid' under his wing, basic making them his lap dog. Matt shuddered at the memory of when he had that job. He waved as Ivan walked by, causing the teen to drop a pill in front of him with a soft smile. Ivan had a smile that girls loved, but any one that really knew him weren't fooled by it. He nodded and held up money as Raivis went by, shaking as he looked around the party. _Must be his first…_ Raivis took the money for the pill and rushed to keep up with Ivan. Drunkenly Matt reached for the pill in front of him, hoping Ivan gave him something good, but not caring enough to ask. It wasn't often that he took pills, mainly stuck to weed, booze and a good does of heroin each day, but the mention of his family made him want to get trashed more than usual. He usually tried to avoid speaking of the whole mess, and normally succeeded.

Soon after taking the pill the colours in the room began to swirl together. People passing by turned into flashing noise. The smell of the room grafted into the colourful scene he began to live in. He watched as a butterfly danced above his nose and the smell of his purple wings drew him closer until the black flipped him upside down and he fell down slide into nothing.

* * *

Slowly the feeling returned to his body and he realised that he felt like shit. His back and legs were hurting, his head ached, and he could taste metal. Matt groaned as a voice reached his ears.

"You awake kid?"

"Hnmg"

"While that was a wonderful sound I suggest you clean yourself up before your folks arrive," Matt eyes snapped opened and he attempted to roll out of the bed and land on his feet, but instead his face met concrete.

"Fuck," He lifted himself off the ground and glanced up at the man before him. Through his blurry vision he recognised the man before him.

"Yo Ludwig! What was that about parents? I got none!" he answered smartly as he lifted himself back to the bed.

"For the last time, hopefully, it's Officer to you, and yes, we finally found your parents. You didn't think that we wouldn't be able to trace a 'Matthew Williams'?" Matt stared at him, and the blonde officer stared back.

"Y-you you mean, you found my family? My m-mom?" he asked hopefully, but Ludwig only looked at him sadly.

"No, I'm saying that we found the people who adopted you. You may have used your birth name, but that still traces to the Kirklands." As the words left his mouth Matt slipped to the floor looking desolate, and truly feeling his hangover for the first time that morning.

"Oh."

The officer sighed and shook his head, sick of seeing cases like this all the time. He looked over at his partner sitting on the desk reading a magazine. They shuffled kids in and out of here all the time, but this kid had been in here almost once a month, his rap sheet in Ludwig's hands had more pages than the magazine his partner read. They'd never been able to find his parents or any solid enough evidence to send him to juvie, most juries finding the kid too innocent for the crimes and most witnesses saying the never saw him. Not this time though, now they had found his parents.

"B-but how?" The kids voice broke his thoughts and he looked back at him.

"Well, it seems that a P.I. put out a BOLO on a young Matthew Kirkland. Born Matthew Williams, adopted by an Arthur and Francis Bonnefoy-Kirkland along with Alfred Jones, a boy sharing not only appearance but a birthday as well. Disappeared three and a half years ago at age thirteen. Last seen walking home from school on March 21, between the hours of three and four P.M.. Police never found a body, one father believed you to be dead, and the other hired the P.I. about a year ago," as the officer read from the new sheet on top of the folder Matt crawled onto the bed and began to curl into a foetal position.

"They'll be here in about twenty minutes, I suggest you get ready to see one of your fathers," Ludwig turned and began to walk away.

"W-wait! W-what if I don't want t-to go back!" he shouted, making the officer turn.

"Then you leave when you're eighteen."

Matthew put his hood up, curled up further and began to shake. In the background he could hear the two officers arguing softly and water dripping from a faucet. The thing taking over his mind, however, was the day he decided to leave.

_ "Hey Matthew, I'm going out tonight, can you cover for me, with Dad?" Alfred leaned against his locker smirking as a girl giggled and waved to him._

_ "Not tonight, I'll be studying with Gilbert. Sorry," Matthew answered, pushing past his brother to his locker_

_ "Gilbert? What are you hanging out with that idiot for?" Alfred scoffed._

_ "Not hanging out, studying. His parents are paying me, our French teacher told them I was the best in class."_

_ "Only 'cause Papa taught you," Alfred retorted before slinging his arms around his brother. " 'Sides, one night of studying won't help him much, trust me, the guy is thicker than Dad's 'soup'. Just tonight, come on!" Matthew slammed his locker._

_ "You say 'just tonight' every time. No, I'm going tonight," with those words he walked away._

Alfred was always using him as an excuse when it came to their stricter father. It was the only time that Alfred really acknowledged him. Other than that his brother only really talked him when at the dinner table or in the car. Then there was the rare occasion at home or at school when he was bored and mostly that was to tease him for being a 'nerd'. No one really talked to him, no one really noticed him. The teachers only knew him as that quiet kid that got perfect grades. The perfect grades he thought people would acknowledge him for, at least his parents, but no one said a word. He never even got beat up for being so smart, like in all those movies that Alfred would watch. No one saw him ever. Well, not exactly...

_Matthew entered the bathroom slowly, he put his bag down by the sink and looked into the mirror. Only thirteen and he felt like nothing but a shadow. He sighed and splashed his face with water._

_ "Hey, Kirkland!" his head shot up in surprise at the thought of someone knowing him. He turned to find an older student before him. Ismael Villalobos, a Cuban student who he had dealt with before, as he often mistook him for Alfred, who loved to piss him off._

_ "Hey Ism-"_

_ Matthew was cut off by Ismael's fist connecting with his face. This happened often and he was really beginning to hate Alfred because of it. Instead of trying to defend himself Matthew let his body fall to the floor. As his body hit the floor his head ricocheted off the floor with a hard smack. _

_ "Ow…" he rubbed his head with his hand as he looked up at Ismael. _

_ "Shit, sorry, Matthew," Ismael helped him up._

Matt smiled slightly at that memory, Ismael was generally his only friend. Even if they did meet by Ismael beating him up one time before realising it wasn't his brother. Usually that was how Ismael would distinguish the two, when Matt would just fall to the ground instead of fighting back. After that they ended up being really good friends. It was him who was the one to suggest leaving.

_"I'm seriously sorry man. I can never tell if it's you or not," Ismael was sitting on the stone wall behind the school smoking while Matthew kicked at a rock leaning against said wall._

_ "Nah, it's cool… I guess… I mean I'm kinda used to it. Even at the orphanage people always mixed us up. That's why we were adopted together, our fathers didn't want to separate us. I've never been just Matthew. It was always Alfred and Matthew, or Matthew and Alfred. Now it's just Alfred and Oh-shit-you're-not-Al. I- I just want to be Matthew," by the end of his speech Matt had sunk to his knees. Ismael looked at him sadly._

_ "Dude that's harsh," he said as he took another drag from his cigarette. _

_ "I want to get away from here, away from Alfred…" Matthew muttered sadly. Ismael smirked at him._

_ "Hey, I'm going to New York, skiving off the rest of the week, wanna come with?" he asked suddenly. Matthew stared up at him._

_ "I dunno, I've never really missed school and -"_

_ "And you'll never get out of that ass's shadow unless you step forward."_

That was it.

He met up with Ismael after school, didn't tell anyone, just left a note. He didn't bring any clothes either. When they arrived in the city he just stayed. Met with Ivan, who took him under his wing, much to Ismael's dismay. Yet when it came to leaving Ismael didn't bug him, telling him it was his decision. Then the fifteen year old just left. They saw each other often, but after a year he found a new dealer closer to home and less intense than Ivan. Matt never regretted his decision to stay, but he was beginning to regret that he went to the party last night.

" Should have just stayed at Eduard's crappie house" he muttered to himself.

A loud shout distracted him and cause him a pause. _Why should I continue being like they remember me? I've become a new person while I've been away. Fuck being who they remember. _With this thought he stretch out on the bed like he normally would while waiting for either Eduard or Toris to bail him out. He watched as Feliciano, the other, and in his mind cooler ( though that may have been just because he caused the fool to let him out a couple of times), police officer headed towards the door to the source of the noise. He could hear Feliciano talking to his Dad, but couldn't make out the words. He briefly wondered what he looked like, laying there in his Canada hoodie and a pair of Ivan's old jeans, making them far too big on him. He noted that he probably had red eyes and he knew he had brushed his teeth since last being at Kat's house, a day or two ago, which was also the last time he showered or had even changed his clothes. His hair was longer and was in a braid down to his shoulder blades, and it was darker from the dirt and grime he had most likely acquired on his adventures the night before. He smirked, hoping his dear old Daddy was ready for the shock of his life. Calmly slipping back into the completely relaxed Matt he had become he mentally prepared himself for his Dad to walk in, so he wouldn't revert to the Matthew he hated.

The two walked into the cell area and for the first time in years he saw his Dad. He still looked the same; Blonde hair: Check, Glasses: Check, Green eyes: Check, Sweater vest: Check, Slacks - not jeans: Check, Eyebrows eating half his face: Check.

What he wasn't exactly ready for was his brother to walk in behind his Dad. Alfred looked the same as he did back then. Although more jock, but Matt expected that, he had always been into sports. The loud and popular type. They both stared at him, Dad in the sense that he was seeing an angel, Alfred looking more pissed than anything. Feliciano walked to his cell and opened it up.

"Alrighty Matty, you're outta here!" he said with his peppy voice. Matt chuckled and languidly stood.

"You know Feli, I thought ol' Lu back there was kidding when he said they found my 'rents," he commented as he walked up to him. He could see Ludwig at the desk, becoming pissed when he heard Matt call him 'Lu'.

"For the last time, kid, stop calling me that."

"Aw, but it fits you! Lu! Luuu! Luuuuu!" Feliciano responded staring at Ludwig with 'doe' eyes. Matt outright laughed at the two of them. They were always like this, all the regulars knew that if they weren't together now Feliciano would seduce the German one day. Ludwig however just grumbled at the bouncing officer. Matt walked out of the cell and instead of going to talk to his family he looked around the cells to see if they caught anyone else. When he did see a familiar face he began to laugh.

"Mathias?"

Said boy looked up and glared for a minute before sighing.

"Hey Maple, what they'd get you for?"

"Not sure, I blacked out, woke up here," he shrugged, remembering a little bit of the party after Ivan arrived, like some blonde guy dragging Toris away and yelling at Ivan, and Natalya molesting her brother in ways no one should molest their sibling, but other than that he just recalled waking up.

"A building tenant called the cops after some kids tried to break into her apartment. You were so high, you tried to play tag with us, but like always the woman insisted you weren't in the group that tried to break in, so we brought you back here to sober up." Ludwig answered stiffly. Matt laughed out loud, it was how he was always caught, they'd do something stupid while drunk or high, he'd try and play games with the cops, they'd find no evidence, and really Feliciano and Ludwig were really the only cops that remembered him, mainly because of his habit of tricking Feliciano and Ludwig being the hard ass who was determined to either get him in jail or get him to clean up, anything that was off the streets. Arthur looked back and forth from the officers to his son in concern, wondering just what Matt had got himself into over the past three years.

"Any body play with me?" he asked smoothly.

"I did!" Feliciano shouted bouncing around, waving his arm in the air.

"See this is why you're my pal Feli!" he threw his arm around the officer. "So tell me, what's my other buddy in here for?"

"Oh, him? Nothing really, we got a call about a drunk kid wandering around Central Park singing loudly and throwing paper balls at people. Found him next to the cutest duck, he was all like, 'Qua-"

"Yea that's cute Feli, but we can let him go now right?"

"Uh, well yea! I guess we can! Right Ludwig?" he turned to the blonde who only nodded. Feliciano went to let Mathias out when he heard his Dad's voice clearly for the first time.

"Wait! Doesn't he need parents to let him out?" he asked incredulously.

"Most of these guys don't have parents, Mattie was the first one we found the parents of in quite a few months" Feliciano responded sadly, as he opened the door and Mikkel walked out.

"Right, thanks. See ya later, Maple. You going to the game tomorrow?" Mathias asked, referring to the basketball game they played once a week. Generally everyone from their group went, even if they didn't play, and generally they ended up shit faced by the end of it.

"Yea, I dunno, hopefully." Matt responded, glancing at his Dad, who was glaring at Mathias. "Then again, maybe not"

Mathias just nodded and walked out the door. Matt turned back to the officers and his family.

"So am I required to leave with them, or now that they're here, can I leave on my own?" he asked.

"No, you have to leave with them. We know who you are now, Matthew, you should go back with them." Ludwig said finished with his paper work and now walking to join them. Feliciano nodded and grabbed Matt's shoulder.

"Aren't you sick of this Mattie? Aren't you tired of sitting in jail every few weeks not remembering what you did the night before. I like you Mattie, you're a nice kid, too nice for this place. Go home, be with a family that loves you," he said softly, looking into Matt's eyes.

"Love, sure like _that _lot knows anything about love," he responded scathingly glaring at the two staring at him, not caring if they heard him or not.

"Like it or not you're coming home with us. I've spent too much time looking for you to let you leave now," his father's tone startled him. He'd only ever heard that tone when directed at Alfred, never at him. It was the 'you're-in-trouble-and-how-dare-you-let-me-worry-about-you' tone.

"Dad…" he started before lamely trailing off. He looked back at the officers before shrugging Feliciano's hands off of him. He trailed over to Ludwig and signed his release document before leaning against the wall.

"Fine, I'll go home, but don't expect anything," Matt looked at his father defiantly. _This was never the way I wanted to go home. I wanted… I dunno… maybe him to cry and beg me. To make it look like I had made an emotional affect by leaving, not just a legal and social one. Just making him and Papa look bad. _ Arthur walked over to Ludwig and signed the papers before turning back to Matt.

"Let's go home."

"Yea, sure. Whatever," he responded, not even looking at his father, instead focusing on the floor. Which was making him open for an attack from Feliciano. He stared into the light blue shoulder pressed to his face.

"Be good, and don't visit any more! Unless you're walking in the front, with, ya know, no handcuffs!" the officer continued to hug him tightly. Matt hugged back, feeling closer to the officer than he ever had to the father behind him. After they separated Matt looked up at him.

"And, uh, thanks for always, uh, getting me out of trouble, and uh… all the pasta," he said awkwardly before turning to Ludwig. He offered his hand to the German, as they shook hands he spoke to him.

"I know you actually kind of hate how you could never charge me, but thanks for the… warm, and less smelly place to sleep for the night, I uh guess."

"I don't want to see you back in here okay, kid?" Ludwig released his hand and he turned back to his father, who looked almost startled at the affection he showed the police officers. It was understandable, as he had done nothing but regard his father coldly, or simply ignore him since the minute he walked in. Instead of saying anything however, he just raised his eyebrow. Arthur just shook his head and walked out the door, with Alfred following shortly behind. As they passed through security and out to the front lobby they were silent. When they got out side he saw his father's little Mercury sitting by the sidewalk. He smirked, knowing that the house was probably exactly the same as well.

The car ride was mostly silent, only time they really talked was when his father refused to start the car until Matt put his seat belt on. The fight didn't last long with Matt's headache making him give in and put that damned thing on. On the ride home Matt was getting nauseous from watching the trees go by faster than he was used to, mixed with his hangover. His father continued to say nothing and his brother just listened to his head phones.

"_One pill makes you larger_

_And one pill makes you small,_

_And the ones that mother gives you_

_Don't do anything at all._

_Go ask Alice_

_When she's ten feet tall._"

Matt looked down at his pants in shock, before remembering that his cell phone was in his pocket and the I.D. ring-tone had begun to repeat itself. He pulled it out and answered it.

"Yo, Kitty Kat."

_"Maple? I just talked to Mathias, he said your 'rents found you. This true?" _

Matt sighed.

"Yea, it's true. Tell you what, use some of the cash I left at your place to pay back Ivan."

_"You sure, aren't you coming back?"_

"I dunno yet. But if I do, you can pay me back by letting me sleep on your couch for a good year or so, kay? And hey, do you know what he gave me? I tried to play tag with Officer Feli, again..."

He heard Kat laugh on the other end of the line.

_"I heard he was passing out some ruffies last night, but if that's all you did, then I dunno…"_

"Well, that's all I was told about, maybe someone who didn't have as much as me will phone one of us to tell the gory details. I hope I don't have another tattoo. Oofmg-"

His father slammed on the brakes for a second before continuing driving at a normal speed. Matt was enjoying the look of horror that had passed over his father's face, but also slightly happy that he had listened to his father and put the belt on. The pinch across the chest didn't hurt nearly as much as his face meeting the headrest would have been. Alfred however took out his head phones and turned to their father.

"What the hell, Dad?"

Instead of responding Arthur kept driving and shook his head, so Alfred turned to look at Matt, who smiled at him.

_"You okay?"_

"Yea, I think I gave my dad an aneurism though, he slammed on the brakes when I mentioned my tattoo."

Kat laughed again and Alfred eyes widened.

_"Oh, well I thought you liked your tatt."_

"I like it, I just wish I not only been sober when I got it, so I could recall where I got it, they did good really, I know how much I move when I'm fucked up and the thing looks great. But I also wish I had known who paid. I had all my money at the end of the night, I've always been afraid it was Ivan"

_"Why are afraid he paid?"_

"You know as well as I do that if he paid, some where on my body the words _**Property of Ivan **_is tattooed. I dunno about you, but the thought of having your brother's name on me forever isn't exactly my dream goal."

Alfred stared at Matt in slight horror before slowly turning back to face front.

_"Good point. Well, if I hear anything I'll call, or if you find any tattoos call me. I'm gonna miss ya Matt."_

"Yea, I'll miss you too Kat."

_"Love ya!"_

"Love ya too."

With a sigh he hung up the phone, he really wished he had had more time to say good bye to his friends. After he put the phone back in his pocket he laid his head back and willed himself to sleep.

* * *

A/N: So there it is. I don't normally ask for reviews, but I really would love to know if I should continue. Like I said a lot of this is based on personal, so if you don't like it, please be nice about tell me why it's bad. Of course please tell me why you hated it if you did, but please be nice? Yes? Ok!

Have a great day! Thanks for reading! And hopefully reviewing!


	2. I'm Not The Same Kid

A/N: Wow, I seriously didn't think I'd get this much of a response...

Ok, so I'm going to try and update once a week, most likely either Thursday or Friday nights, I'll let you know if I can't do it at that time for some reason.

One thing I really want to address, and I hope you all read this. I got a review which talked about me possibly copying the story from the kink-meme. Nope. I originally started this as a fill for that same request, but by chapter three it began to go in a less happy family reunion type story, and more dark. Also, I fail at posting on LJ, I always mess up, so I don't even try. If some one would like to post a link on the request to here, then that's fine, I don't care, I don't know the whole rules of the annonymous thing. But just so you all know, incase anyone else felt the same, don't worry, this story goes in a very different direction.

Also, someone asked about pairings, and I have one in mind, but I don't know if I'll be able to fully fit it in, this story kind of just writes itself.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, I wish I had been awesome enough to think of Hetalia. but I'm not.

Song: "Ignorance" - Paramore.

* * *

_**Chapter 2 - I'm Not the Same Kid **_

"_I'm just a person, but you can't take it_

_The same tricks that once fooled me_

_They won't get you anywhere_

_I'm not the same kid from your memory_

_Now I can fend for myself" _

"Matthew we're home," he heard his father's voice before a car door slammed. Matt's eyes snapped open and he took in the surroundings. It was the same neighbourhood from when he was little, with the same bright green lawns and perfect little suburban look. He used to think that this was the best place to live. Everyone was nice, the neighbours looked out for everyone else, no crimes were committed. What a little black spot he must have been…

Alfred was already out of the car and on the phone, and his father was looking through the mail. Was he seriously the only one that ever changed? Sighing he stepped out of the car, one of the neighbours gave him a harsh glare, did he look worse than he thought? Maybe this neighbour just knew his story. He smiled and waved, not remembering this man at all. Said man turned abruptly and walked into his house. Matt just chuckled and decided to do the same. As he walked into the house he smiled at the way it hadn't changed at all.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Matt turned abruptly, hearing his brother's voice from behind him, said brother looking furious.

"What? I'm going through the house, fuck being out there. You know nothing has changed in here, don't you?"

"Who the hell said you could come inside?"

"I didn't know that I had to get permission to come into my own house. Jeeze didn't you guys want to… I dunno, redecorate?" Alfred looked insulted at his words. Matt picked up an old art project that Alfred had made, it was an ashtray and he smiled. He remembered laughing at Alfred when showed him, because no one in the house smoked. Alfred grabbed it from his hands and placed it back on the table, and Matt just looked at him.

"This isn't your house anymore, so go touching shit either. You left, you don't belong here." Alfred snarled at Matt, who just calmly stared back.

"If I don't belong here, then why didn't you speak up at the station? Then I could have stayed there, in a place I was actually happy. I'm sure Dad would have listened to his _precious_ Alfred."

"You were happy there? You were _really _happy being in and out of jail? Who the fuck are you, 'cuz my little brother was never like that." Alfred glared at him. Matt looked confused before laughing out loud.

"I didn't change. I let myself out. I don't want to live in your fucking shadow anymore. Yeah, I was happy back there, I had friends, and sure, not all of them were real, some of them only wanted to be near me because I had good connections to their dealer. You know what though? At least they remembered my own fucking name. They knew me for me, they didn't see you. For once in my fucking life I was me, not you." Matt was pissed, he never thought that Alfred would react like this. Alfred took a step back. After everything Matt had run away from this was the last thing he wanted to come back to.

"Matthew, you were never my-"

"Fuck you. I'm done, I never should have come home," he turned around and walked out of the house. Arthur turned and was shocked to see him walking away from the house.

"Where do you think you're going?" he shouted after him, but Matt didn't even stop as he shouted his answer.

"Home, fuck this shit hole!" Arthur looked confused.

"This is home! Wait! Get back here!" he dropped the mail and jogged to catch up with his son. When he was close enough he grabbed his arm and attempted to drag him back home.

"No, this place isn't home, it never was. Why the fuck did you bring me back here if I wasn't wanted? Why did you even bother looking?" he had turned on his father and couldn't care less about the neighbours staring as he screamed at him. Arthur on the other hand looked stunned and hurt. Matt pulled is arm out of his father's grip and glared at him.

"Why would you ever think we didn't want you back? I've done everything I could, lost so much to find you, because I love you and you're my son!" Arthur's voice had an edge of desperation as he felt his son fall further away from him.

"That doesn't mean I'm wanted by everyone! Alfred just told me to get out of the fucking house!" Arthur refused the urge to glare back in the direction of his other son.

"Yes, it does! I want you back! You're brother is angry I know that! Just give him time…" his voice gradually faded to a calm volume and he stared into Matt's eyes.

"And Papa? Does he want me back? No ones mentioned him! No one has even talked to me. If this is your way of welcoming a person back into your life then I want to go back. It's obvious nothing about any of you has changed," he turned and began to walk away again. Arthur just stood there, dumbfounded.

"W-what do you mean we haven't changed? What have we done that is so bad for you? A-and as for your Papa… he left… he…" Arthur trailed off as he watched his son walk off.

Matt wondered around his old home town, seeing sites, places, and even some people he had never thought he'd see again. Some people probably mistook him for Alfred as they smiled and waved or shouted 'hi' to him. Matt just glared at them all, wondering why people still thought he was Alfred. Sure they still looked alike, but now their hairstyles were different and they dressed different. Even though he'd only been around his brother for a few hours, and talked to him for less than ten minutes, but even he could see that they were nothing alike anymore. He trudged along and into the park by the elementary school. Smiling he remembered the first time they were brought here.

_ Alfred and Matthew looked at each other briefly before smiling and running to the jungle gym. Behind them their new fathers sat on a bench, holding hands and smiling in love at their children. Matthew slid down the slide laughing and sitting at the bottom. A moment later Alfred slammed into his back and they both flew to the ground. Dad stood up in concern but the boys just rolled over and began laughing. Papa pulled him back onto the bench._

_ "Hey Matthew!" Alfred whispered in his ear, and when he turned to him Matthew was pulled under the jungle gym._

_ "What are we doing?" Matthew whispered back._

_ "What do you think of Dad and Papa?" he asked looking over at the adults, Papa whispering into Dad's ear. Matthew looked over as well._

_ "I like them! Dad tells really cool stories and the pancakes Papa made this morning were great! Why? Don't you like them?"_

_ "Yea! I'm glad they adopted us," the two smiled at each other again. _

_ "Just what are you to doing under there?" Dad's voice carried over two them in amusement. The boys laughed and launched themselves onto their new fathers._

_ "What is this about, mes petits tresors?" Papa asked amusedly, his arms wrapped tightly around Matthew. _

_ "Papa, what does that mean?" Matthew asked._

_ "What does what mean?" Papa looked down at Matthew, who was staring up at him with something akin to wonder in his eyes._

_ "What you said at the end. Petit tre… I don't remember it…" Matthew looked down, embarrassed. _

_ "Ah you mean, mes petit tresors?" _

_ "Yea!" Papa laughed and pulled Matthew closer. He looked over at Dad and Alfred and pulled them into his arms as well._

_ "It means 'my little treasures', for that is what you two are to us. Right, Dad?" Papa looked at Dad, who smiled._

_ "Right." Dad confirmed and the two pulled the boys close to them. Alfred and Matthew smiled again grabbing each others hands inside the hug, glad to finally be part of a family._

Matt was sitting on the same bench that their fathers would watch them from. He supposed he wasn't always miserable. They had been adopted young, so there was about a year that they didn't go to school. That had been a good year, they played together all the time. Dad would teach them about old legends from different countries, and he taught them about football, which he refused to call soccer, living in America or not. Papa taught them different things to cook, and French, well he taught Matt, Alfred had never been interested in that. He sometimes wished that they never had to grow up, they were so happy back then. He never harboured any ill will towards his brother back then. Sighing he leaned forward and put his head in his hands.

It had been so long since he dealt with these feelings without the use of drugs or alcohol. How was he going to do this? The emotions filling him he hadn't felt since before he left. Once he had gone to New York he used drugs, alcohol, and petty crimes to mask all those feelings. He stood up, he had to get something. For the life of him he couldn't remember where Ismael lived, or if there had ever been any spots that the good kids knew not to go. To him there was only one thing to do. He didn't know where to get drugs in this town, and the officers in this time weren't as 'kind' as the officers in New York. Meaning of course that a petty crime would get him in a lot more trouble than help him. That only left alcohol, Matt stood and began to walk to the centre of town, walking nimbly between the people looking at him or even glaring. It wasn't like he was diseased or anything, they just had unknown issues. He smiled when he arrived in front of a liquor store, small no customers, cashier barely looked like he could lift a twenty-four pack. Most importantly it looked like there was no security cameras. He threw up his hood and walked in. He nodded to the cashier, who watched him warily. Matt walked calmly to the back, taking note of the mirror where the cashier could watch him from. For a second he was in a blind spot and without looking at what it was he grabbed the alcohol next to him and shoved it in his pocket. He never broke stride and so when he was out of the blind spot it looked like he never did anything.

At the back of the store he grabbed a RedBull and began to walk back up to the counter. The cashier glared at him.

"Why come all the way here just for that?" he looked Matt up and down as if trying to find hidden items. Matt smiled, this was a trick they used all the time in New York.

"It's cheaper here than at other stores. Always is, I'm trusting that this town is the same. Someone once old me that it's 'cuz you guys expect people to buy lots of alcohol with it. I don't get it exactly, but I'm sure I will one day, y'know?" he responded calmly, not betraying any thoughts of the hidden alcohol. They make small talk, let the cashier think that they were just some kid that wanted to look 'cool' buying stuff from a liquor store. The cashier reluctantly rang him up and let him go.

Laughing to himself quietly Matt walked back to the park. On the way there people still avoided him and he glared back. _Seriously what's with this town. I'm not a fucking plague. _Once there he pulled out the alcohol from his pocket and grimaced. Jägermeister. He hated Jäger. The stuff was sinfully nasty, and it was dark liquor. He always tried to avoid dark liquors they made you violent generally. Though he did know one or two people that held it quite well, at least one of them though got completely delusional and useless on it. Gave her an oral fetish, too, she just chew on everything. It was damn near awkward if you were the one sitting next to her, therefore being chewed on, but fucking hilarious if you were anyone else watching. It would seem that he would just have to deal with the drink this time though.

Sitting there he began to switch drinks between gulps all while trying to keep his mind on other things. Like the colour of his sweatshirt. He liked red, it reminded him of happiness, though he didn't know why.

Jäger

He remembered a time, back when he first ran off, that he had bought the shirt. Well, actually he stole the shirt, it had been Mikkel's idea.

RedBull

He remembered meeting Mikkel as well, it was at a party, Ivan had introduced them. He was replacing Mikkel as the newbie.

Jäger

Not every one of Ivan's customers had to go through that job, just the ones who wanted the discount, and the privilege to go to his parties, to hang out with him, to live with someone in the inner circle.

RedBull

The time being Ivan's little pet was not a time he often remembered, Ivan was a good friend to have, but first he _made _you worthy to be his friend. If your mind survived, you won, if not, you'd probably kill yourself anyway.

Jäger

Matt had to admit that if it wasn't for Kat and Toris, he might have thrown himself off a building or taken way too much long ago.

RedBull

Both his emotional and physical scars would never fade...

Jäger

He was essentially just drinking a giant Jägerbomb. Time was passing without his control again. It wasn't long before he was completely relaxed again, not thinking about what he called a family, not thinking of his friends back home, not thinking of the place he now called home. He wasn't thinking at all, he was really just sitting there, or was he laying? When did he lay down? Shrugging he tried to take another drink from the Jäger only to find that it was almost gone. He sat up and stared at it. _Where the fuck did it go?_ He looked around, as if trying to find somebody to blame, and it was then that he noticed something different. _When did it get this dark out? _There was little he could remember from after he opened the bottle. _But is it from drinking, or did I not do anything? _Deciding he didn't care he finished off the RedBull and picked up the Jäger again. Before he put the bottle to his lips he began to think again.

_ I've always been closest to Papa, but clearly something went wrong. Dad said that… that Papa left… Was it 'cuz of me? Is that why Alfred is so angry? But why would he leave because of me? Even though he was closest to me didn't mean that I was closest to him! He never paid any attention to me, it was always either Dad or Alfred. So why the fuck should this be my fault?_

Matt angrily chugged the rest of the bottle and it was then that he heard people. He turned quickly, only to find Alfred and several other people with him. Alfred looked shocked, as if he had forgotten his brother was back.

"Holy shit, Al, that kid looks exactly like you!"

Matt narrowed his eyes at the kid who shouted, Alfred also turned to the kid, but just shook his head.

"Fuck off," Matt grounded out.

Alfred looked embarrassed, but his friends just looked pissed. Before anything started Alfred stepped in.

"Guys, why don't we find another place to chill, this place smells," he turned and glare at Matt, who just rolled his eyes.

"What, still e'barrasssed tat I'm your bro? Tat's k, if we 're back in New York I'd be too. Either that or my frien's would be beatin' the shit out o' you for fun. Eitha way you'd end up the hos'ital," he was slurring horribly and all of Alfred's friends looked back in forth between the two, Alfred standing there with a disgusted look on his face, Matt barely standing at all.

"Are you drunk? Well, I guess you can take the druggy from the slums but you cant get the slums out of the druggy." Alfred sneered, causing all his friends to laugh. Matt looked beyond pissed.

"Yea I'm drunk, got a prob'em wif tat?" he laughed.

"You know, Al, I can see why you never mentioned him this guy is a fucking loser. Who drinks alone in the park?" one of Alfred's friends spoke up, causing all the others to laugh. Alfred looked uncomfortable and he opened his mouth.

"Hey! That's not it, he's had a hard t-"

Alfred was cut off by Matt grabbing the friend who talked and punching him in the face, dropping the bottle in his hands to the ground. Alfred looked stunned and jumped as the bottle smashed on the concrete of the side walk. Matt let the kid fall to the ground, where he began to kick him. Alfred's other friends movie in to fight Matt, while Alfred just stood there. From the first friend, now holding his face, Matt moved to another and just kicked him in the nuts. He drunkenly stepped around Alfred's other friends, meaning he tripped the whole way and only made it because they didn't want to touch him, and stood in front of Alfred, who only stood there in fright. Matt grabbed his collar tightly and brought Alfred close.

"Lis'en to me you little bitch. I dun wanna be 'ere, you dun wan' me 'ere, so why dun we fo'get 'bout all o' this. I walk 'way back to the city, you walk 'ome." he said quietly, but forcefully.

"Matthew, seriously, what the hell? Do you know Dad is just about crying at home right now? Just 'cause you're pissed at me, doesn't mean you get to run off. He's been looking for you for three fucking years, and just 'cause I don't want you around doesn't mean I'm going to let you break his heart for the third time, got it?" he nocked Matt's hands off of him.

"You tol'… you told me to get out. So don' even try to acst like I'm at faut 'ere, kay? If any one it's you, your fauld! You, were 'lways bedda, were't 'ou? So, Fuck off, eh! 'Ow your all 'ike 'go way!' 'non non, come 'ome!' Why don' you pick what fuckin' side you're on!"

"You want to know what side? The side I'm on is the one that'll bring my little brother back, not you! You may look like him, but you're not him. You're the fucking scum that stole my brother from me." Matt dropped to the ground, and just stared off at his shoes.

"I didn'… I didn' do anythin' to your lil' brotha. I'm still 'im. I - I'm -" Matt dropped off and started mumbling. Alfred waved his friends off and one by one they left, helping the injured one off.

"Matthew, just… be my little brother again…" Alfred had tears in his eyes, and he held Matt's shaking form close.

"I-I'm still 'im."

"Why? Why did you leave me? I don't ever remember being without you. Both of our parents left us when we were little, but I never cared about that because I had you. Then you left me too. I've been so lost without you. I know I was a bit of an ass back then, but was I so bad that you left. Is it really my fault you left?" Alfred brokenly whispered into Matt's ear, by now both brothers were crying, Matt clutching on to his brother's arms, still held tightly around him. They stayed like that for what must have been an hour, just crying with each other. Then Alfred tugged on Matt, helping him stand. He dried his face once they were standing, and attempted to dry Matt's as well.

"Wha- what are y- ya doin'?" he mumble, squirming a little.

"I'm taking you home. C'mon, Dad's probably made something gross. I hope your stomach can handle it."

Alfred began to walk back home, with Matt's arm draped over his shoulders. Together they stumbled home, slowly. Every so often Matt would stop and try to pick something up, but Alfred would just tug him along. Alfred sighed in relief once they turned onto their street. He struggled to get the bumbling Matt up the stairs and they quite literally fell into the house. Arthur came rushing over at the sound.

"A-Al? Matt! Oh thank god you found him!" he shouted, but before he could help either of his sons up, Matt rolled over and began mumbling again.

"I- I found this cat once. She was a little thing, I g-gave 'er to to Kat. K- Kat loved animals, but Ivan never let her have any wh-when she lived wi-with him. Ivan… Ivan has a tattoo of a sunflowers. We got them on the same night, but … but mine is a flag. The Canadian flag. Wi-with a bottle of maple syrup nock o'er next ta it…"

Arthur looked over at Alfred in shock, who just rolled his eyes and tried to pick Matt up.

"I-is he drunk?" Arthur asked, rather surprised.

"Yea, I found him in the park by the elementary school. He beat the shit out of one of my friends. Help me get him to bed." Alfred and Arthur lifted him together and, with Matt still mumbling between them took him to his room. Together they dumped him on the bed, by Matt refused to let go of Alfred.

"N-no stay," was all he muttered before he pulled Alfred onto the bed with him. Arthur and Alfred looked at each other, and Alfred just shrugged at laid back on the bed and held his brother. Arthur smiled at his boys, seeing them lying together again.

"You both have red eyes, what been going on?" Arthur asked quietly as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Well, I was just hanging out with my friends, and we found him. I guess… I dunno we both ended up crying. Then I brought him home."

The two were silent for a moment, only listening to Matt's muttering about a polar bear.

"Did you call Papa?" Alfred asked quietly, looking down at the plain blue bed spread. Arthur sighed deeply.

"I tried, but he just hangs up once he hears it's me. He stopped picking up eventually. It's not like I want to say I told you so, even though I did. I just want to let him know Matthew's alive," he answered, just as quietly.

"Do you miss him?"

"Of course I do Al! I loved your Papa back then, and I still love him today. But the stress of Matt leaving showed us we just can't be together."

"B-but Matt's back now, isn't there any chance that you two could-"

"I don't know, Al. Today's been hectic, let's not talk about this right now, okay? Call your Papa tomorrow after school and you can tell him about Matt. If either of you wake up dinner is in the fridge, and before you ask, no I didn't cook. I ordered pizza." Arthur left the room, leaving the brothers in silence. Matt rolled towards Alfred and looked at him tiredly.

"It's all my fault. You were right. Papa's gone. I destroyed us."

Matt began to cry again and Alfred's heart tightened. He pulled his brother close, holding Matt's head to his chest he began to whisper in his ear again.

"It's not entirely your fault. Shh, just quiet down. Everything will okay, you can talk to Papa tomorrow and I'm sure he'll want to see you. I'm glad you're back, Matthew. I've missed you so much. You'll see everything will be better now and -"

Matt last conscious thought of the night was the happiest thought he had had in a while.

_ It feels great to finally be home.

* * *

_

A/N: Well there it is. Once again feel free to give advise, I love it.

And if you think it's weird how they fight, sorry, but that is literally how I fight with my sister, and we may as well be twins, like these guys may as well be. We switch on and off so fast... Its weird.


	3. All the Little Pieces Falling

A/N: Hello! Thank you all for the reviews, they really mean a lot to me. There's a lot of swearing and mood swings in this chapter, our dear Matt is going through some rough times.

* * *

_**Chapter 3 - All the Little Pieces Falling**_

"_I've been looking in the mirror for so long_

_That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side_

_All the little pieces falling, shattered_

_Shards of me, too sharp to put back together_

_Too small to matter_

_But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces"_

Matt groaned as the sunlight hit his eyes. He rolled over in an attempt to get rid of the glare. However when he rolled and didn't meet the back of a couch he frowned and tried to open his eyes. Taking a few minutes to adjust to the light Matt swore when he say the slate blue wall beside him. _I forgot I'm at home. Shit, do I really have to do this? I don't..._ He yawned and sat up, he couldn't remember much from the day before, but he did remember making up with his brother, sort of… He stumbled out of his room and struggled to find the door of the bathroom. His body felt strangely heavy as he walked, and he felt like his joints were sticking together. Groaning, he rolled his shoulders and put it off as all the falling around he must have done the night before. Finally he found it and walked into the bathroom, using the wall for support. When he finally got there he didn't even both turning on the light and instead began shuffling around in the medicine cabinet.

"Where the fuck could it be?" he muttered in the dark.

"Looking for something?"

The lights in the bathroom turned on, causing him to shield his eyes and move backwards, falling into the bathtub with a shout.

"Holy fucking mother fucking shit. What the fuck man?" he shouted his eyes still closed.

"Now that your back in my house I really rather you not use that language, Matthew. Now what were you looking for?" his father reprimanded him firmly. Matt grudgingly opened his eyes.

"I'm looking for the Tylenol. I have a killer headache, why the fuck wouldn't you put it in the bathroom?" he growled out and got an annoyed look from his father.

"Well, you wouldn't had you not gone out and drank. And did I not just say something about that language?" he looked over at his father and for the first time in three years he felt shame. The look in his father's eyes made him look down.

"I'm sorry, Dad," the words felt so foreign coming from his mouth. He usually only apologised to Ivan, and that was only to protect himself.

Arthur sighed and helped Matt out of the tub. He walked out of the bathroom, motioning to Matt to follow. They went into the kitchen and his father opened a cabinet filled with first aid things. He grabbed the bottle of Tylenol and gave it to Matt, who got himself a drink and took some.

"Now tell me, where did you get the alcohol, and don't lie Matthew, because no matter where you got it I am telling every store in the area to not let you near the alcohol. I'll even give them permission to search you if I have to," he said sternly looking down at Matt, making him feel like a five year old again.

"I got it from the liquor store on Main Street," Matt gave in to his father's look and told him, still only looking at the floor. He was prepared to be scolded, but instead Arthur just nodded.

"Right that'll be our first stop then, No-"

"Wait! What?" Matt interrupted his father.

"We're going to pay the man back, and you're going to apologise. Now listen. Go take a shower and clean up. There is a set of clothes on your dresser that Al put there, change into them. We'll have to get you some new clothes. We have a lot to do today Matthew. I'll make you breakfast while you shower," his father turned from him and began opening cabinets. Matt sighed and went back into his room, it still looked the same. Twin bed in the corner, desk in front of the window, a bookshelf nest to the desk, and a dresser next to the closet. Even his old pictures still hung on the walls, a picture of Paris a night that Papa had given him, an old Indiana Jones movie poster that Dad had bought in a small town in England when the movie first came out. There were a few family photos still on top of his dresser. All of his books were still there, in fact the entire room looked like the only time any one ever came in was to dusk off the remains of his life. He sighed again and grabbed the clothes waiting for him and walked into the bathroom.

After his shower he took great joy in brushing out his hair for the first time in months, rather than throwing into a ponytail or plaiting it. After he brushed it he did plait it and then he looked in the mirror. Even he had to admit that he looked a lot better now that he showered, felt better. Wearing clothes that were his size was a really good feeling as well. He walked out into the kitchen to find is father sipping tea while reading the paper. Arthur looked up to finally see a kid resembling his son, he let out a huge smile and stood. Matt watched his father walk over to him with some trepidation. However when they met the father just looked down at his son before gather him into his arms. Matt stiffened slightly at the feeling of being hugged by someone that he had believed couldn't care less about him.

"I've missed you so much. Please don't ever leave like that again. Please," his father brokenly whispered into his ear. Matt slowly relaxed into the embrace and wrapped his arms around his father in return.

"I've missed you too, Dad," he responded softly, wondering why he never realised how much me missed home until now. After a minute Arthur pulled away and put his hand on Matt's head.

"Breakfast is in the microwave," he smiled again before walking out of the kitchen and into the other room. Matt smiled at nothing in particular and pulled the food out, groaning when he realised his father _made _the food. He didn't know if his stomach could handle this.

After breakfast they got into the car and drove downtown, Matt slumped in the seat when they pulled up to the liquor store. Arthur looked at him and got out of the car. When Matt didn't follow he opened the passenger side door and looked at him expectantly. Matt looked up sheepishly.

"Do I have to?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, you're coming back to normal society starting today, Matthew."

Matt glared at nothing in particular and stepped out of the car. Inside it was the same cashier as the day before, but like always the cashier looked like he had never seen the boy before.

"Excuse me, yesterday my son came in here and stole a bottle of alcohol, I'd like to repay you, and ask that you don't let him into the store again, lest he do it again," his father said to the cashier, who just looked confused. Arthur put his hand on Matt's back and pushed him forward.

"Um… yea, I'm really sorry about all this," Matt said to the confused man.

"Are you sure it was here, I don't believe I recall this boy," the cashier said to Arthur, who looked stunned.

"Is this the store, Matthew?" he asked turning to the boy.

"Yea, like the officer said yesterday, no one ever remembers me. I got used to it though," he replied almost sadly. Even in a small town people didn't remember him!

"Very well, if my son says this is the store, then it is. Now tell the gentleman what you took so he can tell me how much," Arthur said, turning to the man again.

"I got some Jägermeister. I paid for the RedBull," he answered, not looking at either of them, completely embarrassed that he had to do this. His father and the cashier finished the transaction with little words. Right before they left the cashier called his father back, and though they were speaking quietly he could hear them.

"Sir, if you want us to keep him out of here, we'll need a picture of him," the cashier was saying.

"That's no problem, I went by the police station earlier and asked them to hand them out to every place that sells alcohol in town. Have a good day," his father began walking back to him. They got in the car before Matt turned on his father.

"You went to the police? Why?"

"You need to come back to proper society, and I'll do anything I have to make sure that happens, including involving the police. I'm sorry Matthew, but I just not willing to lose you again. Not to alcohol, not to drugs, nor those people. Please just agree with this. Aren't you at least a little bit happy to be back home?" Matt just looked down at his shoes and began to think.

_Am I happier here? I always thought that I was miserable here, but I've started paying attention to what he says. I'm even following his rules…_

He looked up and realised they were heading towards the mall. Matt looked over at his dad.

"Why are we going to the mall?"

"You need new clothes, those ones you came in were disgusting and way to big for you, and you can't go around wearing Al's clothes. You need your own," Arthur said, without taking his eyes off the road.

"But I love my Canada hoodie…" Matt mumbled. Arthur sighed.

"Well, that one we can wash I suppose. Where did you even get that?"

"Stole it," Matt replies with a simple shrug, causing his father to shake his head.

"Is there anything you didn't do while in that city?" Arthur asked, completely exasperated.

"I didn't kill anyone, watched some people die, but didn't kill any of them," Matt replied, shrugging again. Arthur felt like slapping his forehead.

"Never mind," his father sighed. Matt smirked a little.

"You asked," he smarted. Arthur just shook his head and stepped out of the car.

"Let's not even talk about this right now. Let's just get you some clothes and see if I can find my son in there," he muttered and together they walked into the store.

In the store neither were really paying attention to the time, or the price. Neither really caring. Through out the store Arthur was continuously surprised, Matt could go from pleasant son to delinquent repeatedly in a short amount of time. His style of clothes hadn't really changed either. Fitted clothes, preferably red, white, or black. Arthur chuckled, seeing him quietly eyeing the hockey jerseys.

"Have you kept tabs on it?" he asked, surprising Matt, who turned to face him, blushing.

"Kept up with what?" he responded innocently. Arthur just chuckled and pulled him towards them.

"You know, now have you?"

"I've tried. I mean, I know the out come of every game we had this season, but I could only watch them with Ivan, and well…" he trailed off, not exactly wanting his father to know how Ivan would react to his team winning, or worse… if they lost… Arthur stared at his son, wondering what was so bad, but then figured he didn't want to know. He cleared his throat.

"Well, this is and end of season sale, so why don't you pick out two or three jerseys, okay?" he smiled at the look of pure joy that crossed Matt's face.

"R-really?" he asked, obviously excited. Arthur chuckled and nodded, now watching his once lost son carefully go through the clothes racks. He smiled as he saw a sweatshirt the same size as the one Matt had been wearing when they picked him up. Arthur walked over to it and picked it up, it couldn't hurt Matt to have a choice between two sweatshirts.

Together they continued to go through the mall. Matt was beginning to feel increasingly comfortable around his father, slowly starting to act like a teenager should around their parent. During the time they spent together Arthur was beginning to feel like he finally had his son back, and silently in his mind he swore not to make the same mistake twice.

Matt turned and stared at the amount of clothes in the back seat. He looked over at his father.

"I get that I needed new clothes, but did we need to get so many at once. I mean, we could have just bought enough for now, and then eventually bought more..." he said quieting at the end. Arthur turned to him abruptly.

"Do you really have a problem with me buying you so many clothes?" Arthur asked, in disbelief.

"It's not… it's not that I have a problem with it, but I guess I'm just not used to people doing things without a reason…" Matt responded, still a bit paranoid over this kindness he was receiving. Arthur sighed.

"I'm not going to lie, son. I do expect something in return. I expect you to stay with us. I expect you to not run off," he said sternly, again not looking at his son. Matt looked unsure of what he wanted to say. _This is all too much. What do I choose? Do I become the boy I hated, just to make them happy? Or do I continue to be who I've become, and make them miserable? What could I-_

"Matthew, why?" his father's voice broke him from his thoughts. Matt looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Arthur sighed, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

"Why did you leave? One day everything was fine, and the next day we found a note from you, saying you were going out with a friend and you'd be back in a few _days_. Then you never came back. They took your little friend into custody as well. Wha-"

"What did they do? Ismael had _nothing _to do with me staying. What the fuck? You guys always just assu-"

"That's enough, Matthew!" his father shouted as they turned onto their street. "He was a little druggy that persuaded my son to run off, and then he lied about knowing where you were, obviously, if you knew who I was talking about. He-

"Stop! Just stop! He has nothing to do with this! Yes, it was his car I got into, but he came back after a few days, didn't he? I was the one that chose to stay! I made my own decision. For the first time in my life I had made a decision without thinking of what you, Papa, or Alfred would think. He asked me if I was sure that I wanted to stay, and I said yes! I stayed and I became my own person -" he was cut off my the car slamming to a stop in their driveway and his father turning on him.

"So what, your own person is a drug addict and an alcoholic who can't keep himself out of police custody? When they called and told me they found you, I was so happy. When they told me the police had you, I thought the only logical thing, someone had taken you and had hurt you. I thought they were protecting you, only to find out they has arrested you. Matthew Kirkland, don't you-"

"Don't you dare call me that!" Matt screamed at his father. Arthur pulled back in shock.

"Wh-what? Matth-"

"I'm not a Kirkland! I may have been a Kirkland when I was five, but you all shunted me out of your family, slowly but surely, I stopped being a Kirkland. I became nothing to you all. I beca- I can't do this right now," Matt's voice gradually faded and he looked down. Arthur looked at him, still furious, but more stunned than anything.

"Matthew, how can you sa-"

"I said I can't do this!" Matt threw himself from the car and ran into his room, locking it behind him. He collapsed onto the floor and began to cry. Arthur pounded on the door, screaming for him to open up and talk to him. On the other side of the door Arthur too slipped to the floor and began to silently cry.

"Matthew, all I ever wanted was for you to come home. Please, just be my son again."

Matt ignored his father and crawled up onto the bed, feeling the pull of the need to do drugs or to drink again. He curled into a ball, not used to being denied his release. He cried harder at the itching feel beginning in his chest. _Please, just let me go back. Please…_ He began to rock back and forth, trying to relieve some of the tension from his chest. Crying harder he soon began to tired, but couldn't sleep from the racing thoughts in his head. _Somebody help me, God, just stop this. Please_. He whimpered darkly. He didn't know what to do, he felt like he was slowly being compressed and placed into a furnace. Refusing the urge to scream he instead turned to the wall and punched it until his knuckles bled and left blood smeared across the wall. Focusing solely on the pain in his hands he drifted between dream and reality, calm and chaos. Finally his eyes closed as his heart began to calm down.

"Matthew? Are you okay? Dad wants you in the living room. Matthew? We're going to try to call Papa. Please, come out? Matthew?" Matt vaguely heard his brother's voice and lifted his head.

"Al-?" his voice was groggy and his throat sore. The dull pounding in his head clouded his view. He stumbled to the door and leaned against it. He could hear Alfred on the other side.

"Matthew? Are you okay? Dad wants to see us in the living room, please, come out," his brother's voice was muffled by the door, but it was clear enough for him to hear the pleading sound.

"Di-did you mention Papa? Where's Papa?" Matt asked sadly, only to be answered in silence.

"A-Al? Where's Papa? Dad said he left… Is it my fault? Di-did I do it?" he began to cry again, so confused where his mind was going, he could think straight, his head hurt far too much.

"Papa? Papa left Matthew. He left us. We didn't know what happened to you, everyone thought you were dead. Dad didn't think so, he said that you had run off. Something about the way you had acted the few weeks before you left made him think that. But… Papa… he couldn't fathom you leaving. _I _couldn't fathom you leaving, but I believed it because I didn't want you to be dead. I just wanted to see you again. We've always been together, I don't remember before the orphanage, so I don't car about what happened before then. We've always been together, so... Why did you leave?" Alfred asked sadly, Matt heard his head hit the door, and began to laugh. He stood up hysterically laughing.

"Why did I leave? Is that some fucking joke? Sure we were happy when we were little, but get real, Al. Let's get this fucking straight. I was goddamn miserable here. I was in your shadow. Fuck, not even that. I _was _your fucking shadow," Matt was still laughing as he forced the words out.

"Matthew…"

"We fooled everyone into believing we were really brothers Al. But guess what, I don't think you've forgotten, because I haven't. You're a Jones, and I'm a Williams. We're not even blood related, does Dad or Papa know the lie you told them, just because you felt bad for me? Well, do you still feel bad for me, Alfred? The loser orphan you've had to carry through your whole life? You'd think that you'd all would have been happy to get rid of me. Dad barely noticed me, you had all your stupid friends, and Papa… Papa always thought of Dad first, then you, and every so often he'd remember me. Still… It's more than you or Dad ever did. Which makes me wonder why the fuck you guys 'wanted' me back so bad. Why? Huh? Couldn't stand to have that little black spot on the family? Loser son runs away, becomes a fucking addict! Do you still feel bad Alfred, huh? Or do you just feel sick to your stomach?" Matt was still laughing, even as he heard Alfred's sobs.

"I didn't feel bad, Matthe-"

"Stop! Stop calling me that! You never called me that before, so why now? You all say I've changed! You assholes changed first! You stopped caring! All of you just stopped. I wasn't good enough! I'm never fucking good enough!" Matt screamed at the wall.

"Matth-… Listen, about Papa…" he tried changing the subject, his brother's mood worrying him a little.

"Papa?" as Alfred had thought, Matt calmed down immediately.

"Papa, he… I'm sorry, Matt, I'm so sorry," Matt could hear his brother's sobs get louder for a moment before he stifled them.

"What? What happened to Papa?" Matt placed his hand on the doorknob in desperation.

"He thinks you're dead, Mattie. He left Dad and me around two years ago. He still talks to me on the phone, but when he looks at me… He tends to call me Matthew, in that stupid French way… He won't even talk to Dad anymore, because Dad refused to have a funeral for you. He said it was useless to have a funeral for a living person," Matt was quiet for a few minutes after his brother was done. _What have I done? Papa…_ he thought in horror, tears springing in his eyes again.

"Will you please open the door?"

Matt reach over to unlock the door and opened it, having to lean on it for the strength to stand. Alfred took a step back in shock before stepping forward with his arms out.

"Matthew? A-are you okay? Have… have you been doing drugs in there?" he asked, concern filling his voice. Matt felt, instead of warmth from his concern, searing anger.

"Fuck you, you little shit. You don't know anything. You think you can just fucking accuse me of stu-"

"Woah, woah, Matthew, I didn't mean to accuse you! It's just that you look like shit and-"

"Oh so what? Because I finally don't look like the god that is Alfred, I look like shit? Go fuck yourself!"

"I never said that! Stop putting words in my mouth! Your eyes are all red and you've been locked in your all day! You're having weird ass mood sw-"

"Boys? What's going on up there? Matthew?" they both turned to the stairs and watched as Arthur came up. When he saw the two of them, both red faced with tears drying on their cheeks he gasped. Matt turned back to Alfred, still pissed.

"You both can go fuck yourselves. What gave the two of you any fucking right? I can't fucking stand any of this," without warning he dropped to the ground, crying. He clutched his head in pain and screamed. Father and brother stared at him as he looked up at them.

"Where's Papa?" he asked in a small voice, a voice that reminded them of the old Matthew, and reminded him of the day before he left.

_"Papa? I'm walking over to the Beillschmidt's to tutor their son. I'll be back in a few hours," Matthew said quietly into the kitchen, where his Papa was reading the latest fashion magazine with a glass of red wine._

_ "Alfred? You're tutoring someone?" Francis looked at him startled. Matthew sighed._

_ "I'm Matthew, Papa," he replied quietly. Francis blanched at his mistake._

_ "Oh __je suis désolé, mon ange. I always image you as that little five year old running around in the snow. It's so easy to believe that Alfred has grown, but not you. Non__, jamais mon petit. Vous serez toujours jeune à mon coeur. Je t'aime, mon petit trésor," Francis had come to stand with him and wrapped his arms around the teenager's shoulders. Matthew breathed in his father's sent._

_ "Je t'aime, Papa," he whispered into his shoulder. Francis smiled down at his son and stepped back._

_"Now, where are you going, ange?" he asked his son. Matthew smiled and recounted for him._

"Papa… Je suis si désolé, papa, je n'ai jamais voulu dire pour vous blesser. Veuillez me sauvegarder, papa. Tu me manque… Aidez-juste moi, s'il vous plaît, à aider…," Matt was reduced to sobs at the feet of his family. The family he thought could never care, _would _never care stood before him, and he was crying for the only one who had fully given up on him.

* * *

A/N: Well there it is... I used a translator for the French, so any native speaking, or learned, Frenchies out there, let me know if they're ... well... done wrong.

Translations:

_Oh __je suis désolé, mon ange. - _Oh I'm so sorry, my angel.

_Non__, jamais mon petit. Vous serez toujours jeune à mon coeur. Je t'aime, mon petit trésor - No, never, my little one. You will be young forever in my heart. I love you, my small treasure_

_Je t'aime, Papa- _I love you, Papa

_Papa… Je suis si désolé, papa, je n'ai jamais voulu dire pour vous blesser. Veuillez me sauvegarder, papa. Tu me manque… Aidez-juste moi, s'il vous plaît, à aider…- Papa… I'm so sorry, Papa, I never meant to hurt you. Please, save me, Papa. I miss you… Please, just help me, please, help._


	4. It's Down To This

A/N: Oh my goodness, I am sooo sorry. I meant to update last Thursday, but I was a bit sick, and then I went away for the weekend. I had planned to them update on Monday, but I almost drowned on Sunday, and I've been a bit out of it and traumatized, so this took me far longer than it should have. I'm sorry, but enough of my issues.

Disclaimer: I don't own this, well... the plot... I? Well it was a prompt? So... I dunno. But I know for a fact I don't own the characters...

Song: Away From The Sun

Artist: 3 Doors Down

* * *

**Chapter 4: Its Down To This**

Its down to this  
I've got to make this life make sense  
Can anyone do what I've done  
I missed life  
I missed the colours of the world  
Can anyone go where I am

Matt felt Arthur pick him up after a few moments, he tried to struggle, but ending up being too tired to do anything but groan.

"Alfred, try your Papa, I'm putting Matthew to bed. We can't do this tonight," Matt only faintly heard his voice, his head was swimming and he began feeling hot and stuffy.

"Daddy… Papa…" he mumbled as he felt his father put him onto the bed. A cool surface touched his forehead, causing him to recoil with a whine.

"Shi... burning up… the doctor's num… just go, Alfred… Matthew?" his blood was rushing in ears, blocking his father's voice out. He felt his shoulders being shaken, and he lolled his head around to look at his father and watched as Arthur's lips moved, but no sound emanated.

"Daddy…" his throat ached raw as he tried to talk. Arthur looked into his eyes, but his words were still lost on Matt. He tried to roll over, but his hands and feet were tied to the bed. Matt shocked eyes landed on his father, who seemed to be talking, or was it yelling, to someone out of the room. He tried again to move and when he still found he couldn't he cried out in anger.

"Just let me go! You have no right to tie me down! I wasn't planning on leaving!" his voice faded into nonsense as Arthur just looked shocked. He turned to the door again and began talking. Matt tried to thrash, hoping to pull his bonds off, but nothing he did could make him move. He watched as Alfred rushed into the room saying something. He looked over at Matt, stopping his speech suddenly to stare wide eyed at him, blushing furiously. Arthur looked from one son to the other before settling on Matt's body with a horrified stare. Matt shifted his eyes, suddenly finding his head to heavy to move. He looked at the two staring at him, before looking himself over in hopes of- _Oh! Shit when the fuck did… What did they…_

"What the fuck have you two done to me," he screamed, or he thought he did, but in his ears it was a gruff whisper. His eyes continued to stay focused on his pants. He couldn't even fully feel it, the only sensation coming from… _there…_ was pain. A burning pain. Tears streaked down his face as he began sobbing uncontrollably. Arthur swallowed his embarrassment and returned to Matt's side, stroking the top of his head, while whispering unheard words.

The only way he knew time was passing was the movement of his family, to him it felt like days, but to them it only seemed a mere half hour. Arthur had continued to comfort Matt, who had taken to screaming while shaking, while Alfred just huddled in the corner staring in horror at the convulsing body on the bed. Suddenly Alfred shot up and Arthur's hand stilled. Alfred nodded to something the other must have said, as Matt numbly felt his chin moving against his own hair. His brother shot out of the room, but Matt could no longer cared to pay attention. He looked up at Arthur and tried to talk again, but finding his voice useless at forming actual words. _Daddy, let me go. Please, don't tie me up like this. Stop! I don't want to… I need. _His throat finally let loose in a guttural cry, startling Arthur, and the three people walking into his room. The two paramedics ask his father something he couldn't understand before moving over to his bed, Alfred going over to stand with Arthur, both looking on in terror. He tried to command his body to move, but the only response he got was his limbs starting to shake. Tears leaked from his eyes and he stared helplessly as the two men carried him down stairs to a stretcher. As the loaded him into the ambulance he felt himself begin to loose consciousness, and the last thing he saw was his father and brother starring at him from the driveway.

He heard a faint beeping noise as his body roused him from sleep and when he opened his eyes he was shocked to see his own face close to him. _What the hell-_

"Alfred, leave your brother alone," his father's stern voice made him turn and Alfred moved away. _Why is he angry? Wh-what happened?_

"What… What's going on? Where am I?" He looked around and faltered.

"Why am I in a hospital?" he cried.

"You are in a hospital because you went into withdrawal. They gave you some thing to help you sleep but the only thing that will get you through this is toughing it out. What the hell did you take for so long, to have such a reaction? I did not raise you this way, Matthew," his father sounded angry and he could only stare. Alfred stepped closer to his father.

"D- Dad. Maybe this isn't the tim-"

"It is the time, Alfred. He is in the hospital because of this," Matt stared at Arthur, as did Alfred.

"Dad, I really think that you're over reacting, it's no-

"Overreacting? I'm overreacting? Alfred! First he runs off, tearing apart this family in the process, then when we finally find him again, not only is he not grateful, he's also rebellious, and now I find not only did he smoke weed and drink, he also did some unknown substance, which is causing him to go through withdrawal. What the hell have you done to yourself, Matthew?" Matt continued to stared while gathering his thoughts, which were starting to feel jumbled, he looked down at his hand which started shaking. He looked back up at his father, his eyes watering.

"I didn't, if I just go back this sto-"

"What? No! You're not going back there! You've done this to yourself, Matthew. You are going to get through this," he stopped as the doctor walked in the room.

"Matthew Kirland -"

"Williams," Matt interrupted.

"Sir?" he turned to Arthur, confused.

"It's Kirkland, ignore him. Please, continue," Matt made an angry noise before turning away to face the window.

"Mr. Kirland, we need to know what drugs you've been doing, all of them. We're testing you, but we can get treatment started earlier if you tell us," Matt turned and looked at the doctor before looking over at his family. Arthur stood there with his arms folded, glowering at Matt, while Alfred just looked back and forth between the other three.

"I- what if I don't want to get better? What if I want to go back to-"

"Matt. Please," they all turned to Alfred, who just looked at Matt pleadingly.

"You're my brother, and I can't loose you again. Please, try and get better! Please!" Matt stared at his pleading brother. _I… I want to get better, yes? Or should I just go back? … My head hurts. I'm so confused, I don't even know what-_

"Mr. Kirkland. The drugs you've done. Please?" Matt looked at the doctor and glowered.

"I've done a lot of… weed, drinking… heroin…-" Arthur started chocking on air.

"Heroi- Lad… What… What were you thinking? Why would you ever try that?" Matt turned and glared at him.

"Why? Why would you ignore one of your sons. I would have thought you adopted boys because you wanted to love and care for them, not because you wanted to care for _one _of them, and ignore the other. Why wou-"

"Stop this right now, boy. Whether you like it or not you're apart of this family, and you _will_ get better," he stalked from the room, slamming the door behind him. The doctor glanced around before looking at Matt, and sighing.

"Mr. Kirkland. We have some treatment options for you, I'll be back to… discuss them," he turned and left the room. Alfred walked over to Matt, and grabbed his hand.

"Please get better, Matt."

"I told you not to call me that," Matt said, anger radiating off of him. Alfred sighed and dropped his hand.

"Matthew, can't you understand. Dad and I… are sorry… We never meant to do any of this to you… We-"

"I want to talk to Papa."

Matt turned and refused to look at Alfred.

"Matthew… Papa…"

"I don't care, I want to talk to him, he was the only one that ever cared. If you want me to stay, I want to see him," Matt glared at the wall and heard the door open and close as Arthur walked back in.

"He wants to see Papa," Alfred said, and he heard Arthur sigh.

"Lad, your Papa won't answer my phone calls. He and I… we don't talk anymore… He left a few months after you…" Matt snorted.

"Then have Alfred call him," he said stubbornly. He felt the bed dip next to him and a hand touch his arm.

"Fine. Alfred go call Papa. Tell him where we are. Tell him Matthew wants to see him," he heard Alfred leave the room and silence fell.

"Ma-Matthew… You… you know that I didn't mean what I said earlier, right? You didn't tear the fami-"

"Yes, I did. I did it all, didn't I, dad? I ruined your family. Your perfect little family… You, Papa, and Alfred. The best family ever. No one ever saw little Matthew, sitting in the corner, not apart of anything. I'm surprised any of you even noticed…"

Silence fell again as his father awkwardly tried to think of something that would make Matt feel better, anything to prove him wrong.

"Matthew, you do know that we never meant it. We never meant any of these things. Your papa and I… you two boys were the best things we ever had. _Both _of you. Not just Alfred, and not just you. Wasn't there anything you liked about our life together? I mean, were you always so… upset? Was this from the beginni-"

"_No! _This wasn't from the beginning. I- Oh forget it," Matt quieted and continued to stare at the wall. They sat in silence until they heard the door opened. Both turned towards it and watched as the doctor and a nurse walked in.

"Mr. Kirkland, I have some treatment options for you and your son. This nurse here is going to give him more medicine that will stop him from feeling the pains for now, but we can't keep him on it. He'll have to go into detox, and it won't be pretty," the doctor explained as the nurse put the medicine through the I.V. line. The doctor spent some time explaining the different options, many involving being sent away for care, which Arthur refused.

"I don't think you understand, doctor. We just got him back, I'm not exactly going to send him away. We want home options. I want my boy staying at home, I don't care what it takes, how much it costs, I want it done at home," he argued. The doctor sighed and placed his clipboard down.

"Mr. Kirkland, I don't think you understand. Home treatment is never a good idea. To treat heroin addiction the best idea is a centre. Home treatment can be done, but not with out many strains on everyone in the family. It'll take some treatment at a centre, over night or not, group therapies, medication, and most importantly," he paused and towards Matt.

"You. You need to want this. If you don't want this it'll never happen. You need to want to get over your addiction more than anything. "

Matt slightly nodded. Sure, he wanted to get 'better', but mostly he wanted to get out of there. The doctor took his nod as a promise.

"Good, now the nurse here just gave you Methadone, which will take away the effects of the withdrawal. Unfortunately you can't take it outside a clinic setting, so I'll be giving you a prescription for Buprenorphine. It's a new drug that isn't as powerful as Methadone, but it holds less risk for dependancy, and it has been approve for home use. Now Mr. Kirkland, if I could speak to outside about some more options involving this home care you want," The doctor trailed off and gestured to the door. Arthur glanced at Matt before following the doctor out the door.

Matt sighed and leaned back, ever since he had come home he felt ike there hadn't been a moment of peace for him. At least in New York he could just spend a day at Kat's house or something. Here he was stuck dealing with stuff. _And God I really could use a hit of something, anything right now…_ Alfred walked back into the room and sighed.

"I talked to Papa… he's not happy about me insisting you're alive. Him and Dad got into a lot of fights about it when you first left… but… he's agreed to come by this weekend. So you better be there," Alfred said, venom pouring from his mouth with every word. Matt turned and stared at him, wondering what his problem was. _S'not like Papa gave up on him living. And really, he acting as if he'll never talk to him again. _Inside his head he scoffed at the thought. _Not talk to Alfred? Fucking bullshit. He's always been king of their lives. _Alfred sighed and finally turned to him.

"Sorry… But my relationship with Papa really went down hill when you left. Talking to him is really hard, for both of us. I refused to believe you were dead, and he thought I didn't care and was only taking Dad's side for the hell of it. We all said pretty nasty stuff to each other back then. I'm almost sure the only reason he talks to me any more is out of obligation. He always did like you a little bit more. I think it was you willing to learn French," he chuckled and sat down on Matt's bed. Matt looked at him and grabbed his hand.

"Al, don't think like that, Papa loves you, he always has. Don't worry, my disappearance wouldn't hinder that. He wouldn't change how he feels about you because of me. I'm actually surprised you guys even noticed I had left…" he trailed off sadly. Alfred rolled his head and pulled his hand away.

"Oh, come off it! Were we really so bad to you? You're my brother! Blood or not! You are my fucking brother! You always will be! I know I was a bit suckish bu-"

"Suckish? Alfred! You never talked to me, unless it involved me doing something for you. From you using me as a cover every other frigging night, to you asking me to do your fucking home work!-"

"Just we because those things happened doesn't mean we didn't care about you! Big brothers don't necessarily mean to, but they do they… they-"

"Really? Big brothers got their little brothers beaten up? They cause trouble and then watch are their little brother gets screamed at, they let him get grounded? Really, Alfred? Could have fucking fooled me!" Matt said, venomously.

"Mattie, I didn't really mean to… you just… you never said anything… I'm sorry..," Alfred sat back down and grabbed his hand again.

"Please, Mattie, please. Just get better, Matt, please. Papa… he… he may not believe that you're alive right now… but after he sees you… after he sees that you're here and back, he'll be so happy! As for Dad… Dad… he was so upset, he's been so upset, for so many years… But, with you back he's been getting better! Last night… last night was the first time he slept without nightmares in nearly a year! So… contrary to what you obviously believe, we missed you and we are so glad you're home. I'm so glad you're home," Alfred smiled down on him, Matt looked up and smiled back. The doctor and Arthur walked back into the room.

"Okay, I've discussed everything with your father. You'll be set up with a therapist, a support group, this will all be discussed in a plan set up by your new rehabilitation centre," he continued to talk as Matt drowned him out.

_ So this is it, eh? Papa's coming home, that's good… but… I'm off to a rehab? Gotta admit, when I was younger I never exactly went, 'Hey! When I grow up, I want to go to rehab' then again… I didn't think that a few months ago… or even a few days ago. Fuck! I don't even think I think that now! But I'm not saying anything against it, I just want to go home. At this point I'll take home here in this town, not even New York…_

He watched passively as the doctor left the room. Arthur turned to him and sighed.

"Well, lad… You're going to be okay. We'll get you to clean and sober soon, don't worry!" he chuckled and sat down in the bedside chair. After a moment a wistful look crossed his face.

"Your Papa… Did you?" he trailed off and looked at Alfred, who just looked like he didn't know whether to smile or not.

"He agreed to 'come and see him' this weekend. Of course he doesn't believe me about Mattie, but… he agreed to come," Alfred said weekly, and he barely looked at either of them. Arthur actually chuckled and shook his head.

"That… that stupid frog! He'll never have been so happy to be wrong as he will this weekend, then…" with a sudden burst of energy he hugged Matt tightly. Matt and Alfred exchanged looks and smiles.

"Geese, Dad… Cuddler much?" Alfred teased their father, who then shot bright red and glared at his elder son.

"Sh-Shut… shut it will you? God, you're so… so…" he trailed off before swiping at the back of Alfred's head. Instead Alfred just laughed it off and turned to Matt.

"So… Tell me something… While you've been gone have you gotten into any… video games?

A few days later found Alfred and Matt sprawled across the living room. The floor was covered in candy wrappers and other snack remains, a half eaten pizza was abandoned on the coffee table. For the past few days Alfred had been introducing Matt to all his favourite movies and games. Arthur looked on from the kitchen, pure glee on his face. He was glad his sons were finally getting along, after so long his life was getting back on track.

"_What? _No, oh _hell_ no! There is no way you've never played this game before! I refuse to believe it! There's no way you could be this good already!" Alfred pushed Matt off the couch, with a shout Matt tumbled to the floor.

"Ha ha! Oh! Ow! You are just angry because I'm more awesome than you!"

"Oh god… Way to sound like Gilbert…" Matt turned to him, shocked.

"Why does that name sound familiar?" he asked, something tickling the back of his mind from the name. Alfred looked at him for a moment before glancing back to the Halo option page.

"We went to school with him a while ago. He was always proclaiming how awesome he was. Pfft, whatever, I'm cooler than him anyway," he started another game and Matt laughed and got back on the couch.

Over the past few days they had fallen into a routine. During Matt's good hours, he and Alfred would reacquaint themselves, sharing their likes and dislikes and trying to be brothers again. Sometimes Arthur felt like Alfred was treating it like he was given a toddler to take care of. His bad hours however… They both knew they'd never forget the first night he had a breakdown.

* * *

_ As the clock struck one a terrified scream echoed through the house. Arthur burst through the door of Matt's room, stopping when he found his son convulsing on the floor._

_ "Oh Matthew!" he cried and grabbed his son. The doctor had told him this would happen. He had said that Matt would convulse a lot and have some other issues. The door flung open again, Alfred's voice nearly drowned out by Matt's cries._

_ "What? Dad? What's going on? Is he… is he-"_

_ "Not now, Alfred! The doctor said this could happen! We just need to make sure he gets through it!" he cried as Matt calmed down, unconsious, but alive. Alfred slid to the floor crying._

_ "Daddy… is he… okay? I mean… he's still alive, right?" Arthur grasped his shoulder and opened his mouth to speak when Matt rolled over and began to puke._

_ "Oh no, Al, help me get him back into bed…" together the two lifted his limp body back into bed. Arthur sat down next to him and felt his forehead while Alfred sighed and got cleaning supplies for the carpet._

_ "Go to bed, lad. I've got him now, and I'll clean that up, don't you worry," he sighed, suddenly far more tired than his age. Alfred shook his head and resumed cleaning the carpet.

* * *

_

Several more times into the night Matt threw up and cried out. Both had stayed up through out the night for him. In the morning he remembered nothing, he only felt more tired than usual. Since that night both had slept with their doors open, and more than once Alfred had fallen asleep in Matt's room while they were doing something.

"So, what sports do you play now a days?" Matt asked, timidly, effectively reminding both of them of his former self. Alfred rolled onto his back and hanged his head upside down off the couch.

"Well, I'm on the football and baseball teams at school, and then I have a soccer club outside of school. But with my friends I'll play just about anything. How about you? Still loving your hockey?"

"Yea, that and I've begun playing basketball."

"What? Basketball? No way! You?"

"Ha ha, very funny. Yes, we all used to play it, every week."

"We?" Matt sighed and looked away.

"The group… you met one of them… at the station?" Alfred laughed, before quickly stopping.

"The guy who was singing about a duck or something?" Matt laughed at this too.

"Yea, him. Matthais. He's a pretty cool guy…" Matt trailed off sadly. Alfred, panicking, grabbed a handful of cheetos and threw them at him. Matt shouted and the food war had begun.

Arthur groaned as he watched food fly across his living room. He would tell them off, but this was the first full day the two got to spend together. Without school for Alfred, or therapies or doctor's visits for Matt. He felt like letting them get away with it, he turned back into the kitchen and went about making his tea. The sounds of happiness floated in from the living room, and though he felt good on the surface something deep down told him he was missing a little frog in his life.

The sudden quiet from the other room tripped his senses the moment he noticed it. He froze, worrying if a fight had broken out between the two. Right before he turned around a cold sticky substance from several directions were poured on his head. He froze and slowly turned around, seeing his two sons laughing together warmed his heart… right before the soda cooled it down again.

"Alfred Freedom Bonnefoy-Kirkland! Matthew Bonnefoy-Kirkland! You are both so dead right now!"

Laughing at his fury the two boys turned and ran.

"See I told you it's be awesome!"

"Did you catch his face?"

"I'm going to skin you both alive!"

The three ran through the house, twin bought of laughter shortly followed by irate shouts could be heard from the outside. The man outside stared up at the house and mumbled quietly to himself before walking up and delecately ringing the door bell. Not even a few minutes later the door opened, revealing the still sticky and sopping wet Briton. Arthur gasped as he glanced at the man on his stoop.

"My my, you have truly let yourself go, no?" his french accent flowing from his mouth with a slight sneer.

"Francis…" Arthur mumbled, while matching shouts of "Papa" were heard from the house. Arthur stepped aside and allowed Francis inside, who stepped in, glancing around at the once immaculate house, lifting an eyebrow at the mess in the living room, before finally settling his eyes on the two boys in the hall.

"No, it cannot be… Matthieu?"

"Bonjour, Papa…"

* * *

A/N: Well there ya go! Lookie! Francis! HA ha, no he's not being an ass, just doesn't like filth...

Please review, it actually makes me happy... : D


	5. This Family Portrait

A/N: Wow, sorry about the delay guys. I got a job! :D  
I'm very excited about that.  
In this chapter if it's in Italics and quotes, then it's french, I was just too lazy to translate... But like the rest of it, if everything is in italics then it's a flash back. Anyway... Enjoy!  
Song: "Family Portrait" by Pink  
Disclaimer: Don't own anything. ^..^

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_**Chapter 5 - This Family Portrait**_

"_I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away _

_Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have_

_No choice, no way _

_It ain't easy growin up in World War III _

_Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen _

_I don't want love to destroy me like it did my_

_Family" _

"Francis… hello," Arthur's voice broke the silence that had come over all of them. Francis looked over at him and coughed.

"Ah… yes… hello, Arthur…"

Once again silence fell, Francis still staring at Matt in disbelief. After another moment Arthur cleared his throat.

"Alfred, why don't you and I go clean up the living room? Matthew, the parlour is available to you two," he said, realising their need for privacy. Alfred groaned but walked into the living room, Matt and Francis however walked into the parlour. The room still had all the Parisian designs and decorations as when Matt left. Francis smiled sadly at the room before turning to Matt.

"_Is it you? Matthieu? My little…" _before he finished his sentence Matt rushed into his father's arms.

"_Papa! I- I've missed you!_" Francis stared down at the boy in his arms in shock. Tears leaked from his eyes as he curled his body around his son.

"_Oh, you're alive! My dear boy, you're alive! Thank all that is holy in heaven! I never thought I would see you again. Wh-when Alfred told me I didn't believe him! I couldn't believe you were alive! Where… where were you? Who took you? Did they hurt you? Alfred called from the hospital… was it bad? Oh, my little one, I will kill whatever brute has done this to you!" _Francis cried into Matt's hair, his words breaking and happiness shining through his words. Matt however had begun to feel guilty again.

"_Papa… N-no one took me… I… I left all on my own…" _Francis pulled away from him in shock.

"_What do you mean you left on your own? You… Arthur was right? You ran? How… Why… What did you think you were doing?" _Matt flinched as Francis began ranting angrily.

"_Papa… Papa please…" _he tried to reason with his father, but all it did was cause Francis to turn to him, fury on his face. Within a second he reached out and slapped Matt. After the sound faded from the room both stood in shock, Francis staring at his hand and Matt staring at Francis. Francis stepped towards him, only to find that each step he took forward Matt matched by stepping back.

"_Ma- Matthieu… I did not… I did not mean to strike you… it's just… You… you ran! Why would you ever do that to me, or the rest of the family? It broke my heart! I thought you were dead! Ple-please… don't ever leave again…" _At last he gather Matt into his arms again and this time the two cried together, sinking to the floor.

From the door Alfred and Arthur were smiling. For the first time in years they felt complete again. Matt looked up at the two and gestured them over. Alfred came first and cleared his throat. Francis looked up and smiled gently, opening his arms for his second son to join them. Arthur stood awkwardly in the doorway, he had had his time with the two and he felt he should leave Francis alone with them. He turned around and began to close the door when Francis chuckled.

"My dear Englishman, you are not excused from this family reunion_,_" he said, looking up at him, smiling. Arthur coughed awkwardly and joined his family on the floor.

That night Arthur, Alfred, and Matt sat around at the table while Francis was in the kitchen, cooking. Earlier that night he had been convinced to stay and cook for his sons.

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"_My, Alfred! I cannot believe you have survived, and grown, with Arthur's cooking! Ah, and Matthieu, you are far too skinny to actually live with the stuff, no? Arthur, how daring you are to still cook! Have you gotten any better?" Francis said, with a snide air. Arthur spluttered while Matt and Alfred both shook their heads._

_ "Hey! We have done pretty well, thank you very much!" he shouted and the boys snickered._

_ "Yeah, because we order out like every night…" Alfred muttered, receiving a glare as well as a reprimand from Arthur. While the two argued back and forth, Matt turned to Francis shyly._

_ "Um, Papa?"_

_ "Yes, mon ange?"_

_ "Will you make us dinner tonight?"

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_

After many arguments between Arthur and Francis, the pleading looks from the boys won out. Neither father wanted to say no to their sons, inside both of them they felt like their family was whole again.

"I must admit… that I may be looking forward to the frog's cooking…" Arthur said, looking into the kitchen sadly. Both boys looked at each other and sighed. They knew that somewhere deep in both their hearts they cared for each other still. Somehow they needed to get their fathers to admit it. Both had agreed several days before, once Matt was out of the hospital, that they wanted the two to get back together.

"Well here we are!" Francis broke through the doors with a flourish, carrying several plates of French food. He placed them down on the table and the three curiously looked at them. None of them recognised what was in the dishes, but none could deny that it smelt good. When Arthur smiled at the smell the boys couldn't help but throw grins at each other. But still, the dishes looked strange, and that made them all wonder if it was normal food.

_I had forgotten how weird Papa's food looked. _Matt thought as Francis went back into the kitchen. Alfred took the chance to take his fork and poke at one of the dishes. Arthur hissed and grabbed his arm and pulled it back.

"_Don't _do that. It's… chicken… I think? Oh… I don't…" he trailed off uncertainly. Matt laughed as Francis walked back into the room with wine and glasses. He placed them down and smiled brightly.

"Bon apetite, mon chers!"

"Er… Papa? What is it?" Alfred risked the question, gaining a shocked glare from Francis.

"My dear it is Coq au Vin," he seemed disappointed when everyone stared at him, none recognised the name, he sighed and sat down.

"I'm sure it tastes fine, children. Just eat," Arthur said, and neither parent noticed as the boys nearly glowed with pride. Their plan was coming along far more smoothly than either had expected. Alfred looked down at the chicken he had put onto his plate, and uncertainly poked it.

"Are you sure, Dad? Have you had it? D-does it taste good?" Alfred bravely asked, causing Arthur and Matt to flinch and Francis to look enraged.

"D-does it taste good! Does it taste good! Mon petit chou! How could you… Don't you know anything about fine cuisine? Mon dieu! Arthur! What have you done to this poor boy?" Francis cried, standing up. Matt rolled his eyes, _Trust Papa to be a drama queen. _Arthur stood as well and looked at him indignantly.

"What have I done? I raised him while you were off, doing whatever came along, or whoever came along!" Arthur spat out, and Francis flinched at the last part, his face going red. Whether it was from embarrassment or anger neither boy could tell.

"Dad… Papa…" Matt said quietly, looking between the two, trying to figure out which one to calm down first. Alfred just looked down, preparing for a fight. He remembered these fights well, as they had come fast, often, and violent in the first few weeks after Matt disappeared.

"Well, perhaps if you had understood my feelings! I just wanted a service! My son, my little Matthieu had died an-"

"The boy wasn't dead, he still isn't! If you had just seen that, if you had held any hope!"

"Hope that what? That my son ran from home? What parent hopes for such a thing?"

"One that doesn't want his son dead! One-"

"You say this as if I wanted him dead! I wanted him home!"

"You know that's not what I meant!"

"Oh, rosbif! I'm so sorry, how could I forget, you Englishmen never say what you mean."

Matt swallowed and buried his head in his arms. _Stop fighting, stop fighting, stop fighting! For the love of God, stop fighting._ He tried to block out the noises above him to no avail. Meanwhile Alfred sighed and stood. He glanced back at the three of them before shaking his head and walking up the stairs.

"Pardon me, frog! At least I could tell when a child was unhappy!"

"So you knew? And what? Refused to help?"

"Goddamn it, Francis! Stop doing that! Stop misinterpreting what I say!"

"Stop inferring my son what unhappy!"

"He ran away and became a drug-addicted convict!"

Matt snapped his head up at Arthur's words. He still hadn't told Francis about that. He turned to his papa, who was standing there in shock. Even Arthur looked nervous at his ex's freezing.

"P-Papa…" Matt started, before flinching when Francis turned to him, a deadly calm look on his face.

"Go to your room, Matthieu," he said, no emotion in his voice. Matt flinched again and looked at Arthur, who was still staring at Francis.

"Pap-"

"Now!" the rage flooding from his father's voice caused him to turn and flee up the stairs, breathing heavily as he slammed his door closed. He leaned against his door and glanced around in panic. It has been so long since he had been punished, and he had never heard his father speak in such a tone. His felt his legs wobble and found himself nauseous. Forcing his legs to work he throw himself back into the hall and into the bathroom. As he collapsed in front of the toilet Alfred walked into the room.

"Matt? Are you okay?" he heard the worry in Alfred's voice, but he could only cry and stare in front of him. He heaved and felt Alfred rub his back slowly.

"Just breathe Mattie. You're okay," Alfred whispered in his ear. After, Matt leaned back into his brother, breathing heavily again.

"You okay?" Alfred asked him, but before he could answer a crash came from the living room. While Matt stared in horror Alfred simply sighed and helped his brother up.

"They'll be fine, let's get you back to your room, kay?" Alfred half carried him back into his room and together they laid on the bed.

"D-did they do this often when I…?" he trailed off, looking at the wall, tears still trailing down his face. Alfred sighed again and rubbed his forehead.

"Yea… it got worse and worse, until one day Papa stormed out. We got a call a week later, and he never came back. I've barely seen him since then. Always said I looked too much like you," Matt barked out a short and strangled laugh, it was typical, he had to be dead to be remembered by his father.

"I- I'm sorry, I never meant to cause this…"

"I know, Mattie. I know. What happened down there?" Alfred questioned, worried.

"Papa… Dad told him… about me. He didn't take it well…" Matt began crying again, his body heating up. Alfred looked down as he felt his brother begin to shake. Matt cried out and flipped onto his back, arching in pain. Alfred shot up and ran to the door, he tore it open and ran into the hall, hitting the wall on the other side in his haste. When he reached the living room he was greeted by his parents still screaming, Arthur with a vase in his hand, ready to throw it.

"Dad! I think Mattie's gonna have another seizure!" Immediately Arthur dropped the vase and as it shattered he was already at the stairs.

"Get his medicine, Al!" he shouted from above. Without even looking at Francis Alfred ran into the kitchen, tearing through the cabinets to get out the medicine the doctor had given to them for the out bursts. When he rushed upstairs Francis was still in the living room, confused as to what was going on. Slowly Francis made his way up the stairs as he entered Matt's room he dropped to his knees.

On the bed Matt was violently twisting, beside the bed was Alfred, filling a syringe with clear liquid, and Arthur, who held a stopwatch in his hand. He sat on the floor for what seemed like forever, the calm faces on the other two enraging him again. How could they just stand there as Matt was in pain, how could their faces look so cruel.

Slowly Matt's body calmed and began to lay still. Arthur clicked the stopwatch and turned to an open notebook on the table, writing something in it. Alfred double checked the syringe and handed it to his father. He calmly knelt beside Matt and injected it into the vein in his arm. They stood together looking down on him as he began to wake up.

"Nnng. Dad? When did you get… Oh… did I have another…?" he trailed off as he realised what happened to him. Francis continued to stare in horror, how often did this happen in this family?

"Yea, it wasn't all that long this time. Go to sleep, love," Arthur murmured, stroking Matt's hair as he began to drift off.

As he began to stir Matt felt like his bones were grinding together and he groaned as he tried to roll onto his side.

"Morning, Matthieu," he heard his Papa's silky voice before he even opened his eyes. He scrunched his face up and didn't dare turn around as he responded.

"Good morning, Papa," he said quietly, confused as to what had happened the night before. He recalled running into his room and lying on the bed, but nothing else. _Oh well, I must have just fallen asleep. At least Papa has had the night to think about it._

"Tell me, Matthieu, why? Why did you run from us? From me?" Matt felt tears leaking from his eyes at the sound of Francis's despair.

"I- I just couldn't t-take it. I was never seen by any of you… I just wanted to be real," he whispered as more tears fell down his face. Francis sighed and sat next to him.

"You should have confronted us, mon cher…"

"I tried. B-but every time I opened my mouth you either didn't hear me or you mistook me for Alfred. So I just left. I needed to be seen, they all saw me. Do you remember when you used to see me?" his voice dropped below a whisper and cracked, Francis gasped softly behind him and he laid next to his son.

"I remember the very first time I saw you. Your little blonde hair shining in the sunlight, unbashfully playing by the swings, dancing amidst the leaves. It was beautiful," Francis talked in a dreamlike voice and Matt chuckled.

"Papa, I was crying and throwing a fit because a kid stole my toy," he said, still laughing.

"Ah, yes. But it was beautiful," he responded, smiling.

"Anyway, listen to me, mon cher, and I will tell you about the times even you do not remember. When I first saw you it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and then Alfred came running over to you, Arthur in tow. You wouldn't speak to Arthur or I, you would only answer to Alfred. But you would smile at us, oh you would smile. Such a sweet little smile, lit up the whole room. We would come back everyday and even after a month you wouldn't talk to us. You and Alfred would come running to us everyday, Alfred talking up a storm. But not you. You would just smile and stand behind Alfred," he paused and Matt smiled into his pillow.

"I remember the first time you touched me. It was the day that Arthur and I told you that we were adopting you. You leapt into my arms and giggled. You spent the whole day pulling me around and pointing out the things you liked to do. You never talked, but I learned so much about you that day. Your favourite colour was red, you liked to swing on the swings, but you'd rather lay under a tree and read any day. You loved to read books on other cultures and you were afraid of the dark. You even dragged me into your little club house. A little spot on the top floor, pictures of polar bears everywhere. It's where I got the idea to by you Kuma."

"I miss him…"

"I have him at my home, cher. I also remember the first words you said to me. It was about a month before the courts would let us take you home. You must have spent all morning practising it, and you still stuttered. You said to me, 'Papa, when can I meet you?' You ran off crying because you said it wrong. You had meant to ask when you were coming home with me. It took me hours to get that out of you, you cried so hard."

"I thought you wouldn't want me any more…" Matt replied softly and Francis hugged him.

"I remember the first time you walked into our house. You were so shocked at the size of the house, even though it was just a normal house, you acted like it was a mansion. You and Alfred ran around the house for hours, finding every hiding place you could while Arthur and I just watched you from the living room. You walked into the room and rubbed your eyes and just climbed between us. I brought you to your room and laid you on the bed. -"

"That's where you had Kuma. Waiting for me," he smiled and leaned backwards into Francis.

"I remember your first day of school. Alfred got sent home because a kid made fun of you and you pushed him in the mud."

"He told everyone it was him…"

"I remember a lot, Matthieu. I never meant to ignore you, you were mine. I know we adopted both of you, but it always felt like you and I were blood family. I always felt so connected to you. From that very first day I saw you as my dear little son. Please, just tell me you don't want to leave again…" Matt heard a sob from behind him and he sighed.

"I- I won't leave you again, Papa…" They stayed quiet like that until the door opened and Arthur walked in. He sighed at the sight of the two of them.

"As much as I hate to break this up, Matthew, your appointment is in an hour. Will you please get dressed? Perhaps take a shower," he said stiffly. Matt sat up in confusion and Francis just rolled off the bed and waltz up to Arthur.

"What appointment?" Matt asked, ignoring the way his Papa was looking at his father. Arthur glanced at Francis before ignoring him.

"With Dr. Edelstein, he's going to be your new psychiatrist. Please, just go along with this, it'll make you feel better," he said, attempting to prevent the argument he knew was coming. Matt sighed and stood.

"All right, all right. I'll go shower…" he walked out of the room and bumped into Alfred.

"Geese, Mattie. Take up the entire hallway, why don't ya," he said and playfully pushed his brother.

"Ha ha, kiss my ass," Matt pushed him back and ducked into the bathroom before Alfred could retaliate. He laughed when he heard Alfred cursed in the hallway.

After he got out of the shower he plaited his hair again and walked down stairs. Arthur was waiting for him in the living room.

"Are you ready?" He nodded and the two of them headed for the car.

"Woah, wait!" Alfred came running out the door, behind him came Francis. They ran to the car and glared at Arthur.

"Mon dieu! We are coming too, no?" Francis leered at Arthur, who just glared at him again.

"Why would you two be coming?" he asked, Matt just looked around and shrugged, not caring who came.

"He is my son as well, Arthur… I wish to meet this doctor," Francis said, gently. Arthur stared at him for a moment before sighing and turning to Alfred.

"And you, lad?"

"Simple, pops. I want to be a part of this. Plus I want to meet the 'crazy' doctor," Alfred leaned against the car and smirked. Matt just laughed and punched his arm.

"I have no problem with him coming, so why not, eh?" Arthur sighed and just got in the car, Matt followed while Alfred and Francis cheered and high-fived. Matt shook his head and turned to Alfred.

"So, how weird do you think this guy is gonna be?" he asked.

"I dunno… I wonder if he has a monocle…" Alfred wondered, staring at the ceiling. Matt stared at him for a minute before laughing.

"Why would he have a monocle?" he cried. Alfred turned red and glared at him.

"Be-because that's what therapists do!" he stuttered.

"No they don't!" Matt laughed at him and Alfred huffed and turned away.

"Whatever."

Mat sighed and looked out the window. They sat in silence for around ten minutes before he heard Alfred chuckling behind him. He turned at looked at him.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Twenty bucks if you make the guy think you're wicked crazy," Matt chuckled as Alfred hysterically laughed. Arthur groaned and shook his head.

"Don't you dare, Matthew!" he shouted from the driver's seat. Matt laughed and nodded.

"You're so on!"

Arthur groaned again and hit his head on the steering wheel.

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A/N: So here ya go. I promised a double update so chapter six should be up either tomorrow or Sunday. Have a good weekend!


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